Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
