Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
