I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
