Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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