Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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