My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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