yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
last night I used snow as a chaser
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
