Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
