By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
