I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
