happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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