I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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