i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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