I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
And then he peed in my hair
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