3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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