Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
