First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
