Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
