i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
