You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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