you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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