I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
