I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
