i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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