it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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