goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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