So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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