In America we eat man semen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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