so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
