Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
