Buhtt sex?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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