omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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