Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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