Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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