I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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