Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
