Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
