I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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