i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
