Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
