i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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