That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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