While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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