You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
