he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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