Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
