i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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