i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
