last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
