Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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