awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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