they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
