Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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