I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
