Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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