It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
