You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
