You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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