I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize