thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
